As I was pouring my soul out in this story, all of a sudden my husband calmly said,. I took a deep breath and thought, OK……. I left it alone, and sat there with all of these thoughts churning over and over in my mind. A couple weeks later I had something else happen that was really bugging me. I know… I need help! However, I made a mental note to not say anything about it to my husband and to just let it go! I still had not said anything about it, and somewhere out of nowhere it came out!!
It came out 10 times more dramatic than it really was! My husband just stared at me, not really sure what in the world I was talking about. Complaining is something that is reoccurring, and whiny. Complaining is being unsatisfied with your life, or always wanting more. I thought about the stress of my new job, and felt a pressure in my chest. A tenseness that I couldn't really define, so I reacted with anger.
I thought to myself, "I have got so much going on. I don't need this. I don't even think she was complaining. I think she was venting. This is something that took me a long time to understand. There is a difference between venting and complaining. Complaining is asking for change. When Mel complains, she wants me to present her with an alternative. Venting is getting it off your chest.
This is where Mel just wants me to listen to her frustrations. This is the same as when I come home and complain about students I work with. I don't expect Mel to solve the problem although sometimes she does help me think through a situation. What I want is for her to listen and understand. Mel knows that my work schedule can't change during the summer, but she just wants someone to acknowledge her frustrations. But even now, after 10 years of marriage, I still struggle identifying the two, and my default setting as a man is to interpret it as complaining, and try and fix the problem, so when I got her text, I felt like I needed to rush home.
I wanted to just split for the day and help her, but I knew that I couldn't, so I felt pressure. I felt the tug of war between work and home. As a father, I feel this every time I miss a soccer game for a late night work meeting, or I miss a parent teacher conference because it happened during the day, or when I can't make it home for dinner. And I think Mel feels it to, every time we go over the budget, and we come up a little short.
I think she feels pressure to go back to work. Chronic complainers are very skilled at dragging you down into their vortex. When you start to feel the pull, try these tips to wriggle your way out. Is complaining holding you back from being happier?
Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. By Nurse. Sometimes you just need to vent! How to Move From Complaining to Venting Get your heart rate up: Exercise has long been considered a useful tool for releasing pent-up emotions, replacing them with happy endorphins. Address the problem: That might mean confronting a work bully or speaking up about unfair scheduling practices.
It could mean seeing a counselor to help you with personal issues that might be contributing to your feelings. It might also mean looking for a new job, if there are truly things that could improve by moving to a new environment. The only wrong action here is to do nothing. Laugh: Laughing will help lighten the load and soften your judgments.
There might not be anything funny about your work problems. But laughing about something, anything , might help boost your mood and see things in a different light.
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